The pessimist in me would now be enumerating a seemingly endless list of reasons why I should feel defeated this year and maybe call it the worst year of my life—the COVID-19 pandemic, zero travel, and the loss of my dear mom, to name a few. But you know what? I want to celebrate life. And with this, I want to offer this post, for the very first time, to my partner-in-crime—Christian.
This can be categorized as an uber cringey and super personal post for me but oh well, life is short and I want to immortalize this feeling right here, right now.
I was never the type who had a “perfect” wedding in mind or even the “ideal” husband to settle with. While some of my high school classmates were daydreaming about the dress they would wear on their special day, I was busy writing in my journal that I kept since fifth grade.
I was never the girl who would receive anonymous letters or flowers during Valentine’s Day. I was the one whom boys would run to when they needed to send something to their crushes—the third wheel.
I never had an ultimate crush that I would go head over heels with, someone that I would ask to elope with. I was that boring during my younger years.
I had my fair share of romantic relationships in the past but nothing came close to getting-married-kinda-relationship. All those years, all I was hoping for was someone who would stay with me no matter what—a best friend, a husband, a wife, a dog, whoever.
It may sound corny or maybe a weird happenstance but the third time (or was that the second time?) that I saw Christian, I knew that he was the one for me and that we would be together. For a person who was as dense as a rock, I felt that thrill and excitement that was only supposed to be seen on movies. True story.
The road that led us to where we are right now wasn't a smooth one. We had our own struggles and challenges to conquer but it was a conscious decision for Christian and I to go through this journey together. We weren't perfect as individuals, but we didn't need each other to complete the other one. We are our own person and we both acknowledge that.
We weren't the you-complete-me clichè but we are the best team we could be. Try getting married and have a child (during a pandemic) without house help and you would know how hard it is to get by 24/7, every single day.
Please don't ask me the “secret” in maintaining a happy and healthy relationship because I don’t know the answer. All I know is that I am the same person when I’m with Christian and when I’m with my friends and I can totally tell him just about anything without the fear of judging me or whatever. We’re more of best buddies than best husband and wife.
I dunno why I even started writing this on my notepad, but as I reflect on how this year went by, I couldn't help but cry—this is the first holidays without my mom, and that I'm now an orphan since my dad died eleven years ago. But my mom deserves a separate post, if I could have the courage to write it without breaking down.
So yeah, these past few months have been difficult for me and I wouldn't know how I survived it without the love and support of Christian. And as Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”
And so I chose to celebrate life.
To my silent cheerleader, the great shock absorber, and to my human diary, thank you for sticking with me no matter what. You know how important my journals are to me since fifth grade but since I met you, I need not to write everything down on paper as I can share anything with you. To more Friyay nights with you this coming year!
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